A relative of mine attended a wedding where Hank Marvin gave the wedding talk and performed the ceremony. He was an elder and the groom was an ex-Bethelite buddy. This would have been around the mid 1980's. It was all kept very hush-hush as the couple didn't want their day ruined by the press turning up. It was quite a surprise for the guest when Hank Marvin got up on the stage!
Miss Fitt
JoinedPosts by Miss Fitt
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Does anyone in the UK recall the JW story/urban myth
by jambon1 inabout a member of slade becoming a jw in later life & refusing the royalties from their famous christmas song?.
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My story so far
by brainmelt ini've been trying to avoid posting this, due to extreme paranoia but its time to post my story.
i hope to not post too many details, as we've avoided being df so far, our group elder was young and lovely and cool and i just hope that in time he learns the ttatt.. i'm a regular lurker on here, occasional poster (i can't post much as my phone browser only lets me read but not post, so i only post on the odd occasion i get a time alone on the pc).
i have been fading since round about last september ( so almost my first anniversary of learning ttatt).
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Miss Fitt
Thinking of you
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JW attitudes to women
by Frazzled UBM ini would be very interested to hear from you ladies on this one.
i know that the society keeps women in subjugation through the headship cr@p but didn't ahve any sense about hoew prehistoric the attitudes are until the other day when we were driving out of the supermarket car park and my wife spotted a woman dressed in tight shorts (it has been very hot here) and she commented 'they say that women who dress like that dserve to be raped'.
i did a wtf and overreacted 'how can you blame the victim like that - such attitudes give men a lciense to commit rape and make women feel they are to balme if they get raped which in turn means that rape doesn't get reported and it gopes on with impunity.
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Miss Fitt
For many years I worked as an assistant to a high profile company executive. I ran his diary, arranged his meetings, booked flights, hotels, organised managers meetings, organised social events, liaised with other company executives. All the usual stuff a personal assistant would do. It was a highly responsible position.
My husband and I were regular JWs, going out in field service most Saturdays and Sundays. After we had been out I would note down our hours and placements in my field service notebook, and then at the end of the month tally up all figures and fill in our report slips, then hand them in to our study conductor. I did this for years. One time we had a new study conducter and, after observing me fill in our reports, he commented that it wasn't right for me to be filling in my husband's report. He refused to take my husbands report off me - he said I needed to show it to my husband first so he could check it was correct. I actually laughted because I thought he was joking, then I realised he was deadly serious. This was an elder in his late 40s who had been brought up as a JW so I was completely shocked by his attitude.
Me and my husband had a real laugh about it on the way home. He remarked that if the then United States Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, and her husband became JWs, who was going to tell he she couldn't be trusted to fill in her husband's report?
At the end of every month when I was due to fill in the reports, I would whisper to my husband during the meeting, "just call me Condoleeza," and we would stifle our laughter. I'm glad we were able to find the funny side of it, otherwise I might have just punched the elder.
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So where else can we go?
by Julia Orwell inno, i'm not misquoting peter talking to jesus again, or relating a conversation i had with a jw.. i'm asking something a little different.. i began my fade in jan this year and completed it at the memorial on 26th march.
since learning ttatt and becoming mentally free, my depression has improved, i see colours better, and my anxiety issues have dissolved.
i returned to teaching high school after years away from it, and am a substitute teacher at some local schools.
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Miss Fitt
Hi Julia
I just wanted to add my support.
I've suffered from anxiety and bouts of depression for as long as I can remember. I know this has been because of my years as a JW. I've been fading for the past few years, and I've had times when I feel I'm teetering on the brink of a breakdown. You kind of know it's happening, but feel helpless to do anything to stop it. You have taken a huge, life-changing step in fading from the organisation. Your brain is trying to cope with all sorts of thoughts and emotions. Anger, resentment, fear, regret. No wonder it sometimes gets frazzled! It's still early days for you.
I've found that taking a low dose anti-depressant has helped me to cope. It's also important to be kind to yourself and take some time to relax. Go for a massage. Join a local volunteer group. Take up dancing. Have some fun. It gets easier as the years go by and your anxiety will lessen.
Sit back and think about what you really want to do as a career. You are no longer suffocated by the restictions of the organisation. You can grab hold of your life and lead it in any direction you want. You are still young enough to change careers. Look at your options for further education and training. Use your foresight, planning and determination to make the kind of life you want and deserve.
I'm in my late 50s and I've just graduated from University, having completed a three-year full time degree in English and Philosophy. I've pushed way beyong my comfort zone, made new friends and grown in confidence. People have asked me why I wanted to do a degree at my age. My answer is "because I could." All those years of feeling like a loser, because I wasn't allowed to go on to further education when I was young, have been pushed aside. I'm starting to believe that I can do whatever I want with my life, because it is MY life.
Keep your chin up Julia. You are doing great!
Miss Fitt x
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Growing up as a JW was a form of mental abuse for me
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Miss Fitt
Bigmac, you are right. It's a bit confusing I know. I wonder whether I should rejoin the board with another name.
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Growing up as a JW was a form of mental abuse for me
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Miss Fitt
I agree with all your comments.
To make matters worse for me, I was quite a bright kid and always did my homework, revised for exams and was generally a model student. The teachers seemed to like me, but this only made it worse for me with the other kids. Not only was I a JW, but I was seen as teacher's favourite pupil, I was a bit of an ugly duckling, painfully shy and wore spectacles. I may as well had 'BULLY ME' tattooed on my forehead!
My husband also had the same experience in school. He wasn't shy like me, but his parents were very pushy in expecting him to witness in school. Every day when he got home his parents would ask him what witnessing he'd done. As a young child of around 6 or 7 he felt a huge sense of responsibility to witness to his little friends in school. Like breakfast of champions said, he felt bloodguilty if he held back from witnessing. What a terrible thing to do to a child!
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Growing up as a JW was a form of mental abuse for me
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Miss Fitt
In another thread, canleave made the comment "I spent my childhood feeling conspicuous"
I can really relate to this, so I wanted to start my own thread.
Growing up as a JW from birth, I was a really shy, nervous child and hated being different from all the other kids. I can't remember one day when I was happy at school. I felt isolated and always scared of having to 'make a stand for the truth.' I was bullied a lot. Not physically, but just the constant drip feed of name-calling, snarky comments and humiliation. There are a few incidents that can still bring me to tears if I think about them. I remember the tight feeling in my chest as I walked to school every day, dreading what the day would bring.
My mother (pillar of the congregation) became a JW in her 20s, and I knew she would never understand that feeling of sheer terror as you walk into the classroom. I never really talked to her about how I was feeling as, I guess, I felt guilty. She is a confident, forthright, zealous person and I knew she was expecting me to witness to the other kids. It simply wasn’t in my nature. How could I tell her I used to look around the school and wonder ‘why can’t I be like everyone else?’ It wasn’t that I wanted to do anything bad, I just wanted to be like all the other kids and do all the normal things they were doing.
One of my sisters was like my mum, brimming with confidence and loved witnessing to all the kids. She would hold bible studies in the lunch break. She later told me that she loved the feeling of power that being a JW gave her, the knowledge that she was going to live forever and she could save peoples lives. She was held up as an example in the congregation, and was trotted out at conventions to give her experiences.
Over the years I have grown in confidence, although I am still quite shy and full of self-doubt. I’m a bit of a loner and I hate being the centre of attention. I’ve never felt ‘good enough’ even when I’ve excelled. People have told me that I am clever, kind, sweet, caring, generous, and an all round lovely person. I never quite believe them. I know that my childhood experiences have caused this.
If anyone reading this is still a JW and bringing up kids, please understand that each child is different. Some JW kids thrive in school because they are naturally confident. Don’t forget that for children who are naturally shy and nervous, their school years are a long, drawn-out torturous process full of fear and isolation, that eats away at your child mentally and emotionally.
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This is my first time. Please be patient.
by Miss.Fit ini have never posted before.
i have been lurking for a few days and have decided to give it a try.
the subject of child abuse caught my eye.
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Miss Fitt
Welcome to the board Miss.Fit, by the way! Great to have another newbie. You must have felt a misfit in the organisation, just like me!
I'm sorry to read about the dreadful experiences you have had and hope this board will help you to heal.
I don't have any experience of the issues you have faced but I wanted to add my support.
MF
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This is my first time. Please be patient.
by Miss.Fit ini have never posted before.
i have been lurking for a few days and have decided to give it a try.
the subject of child abuse caught my eye.
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Miss Fitt
Hi everyone.
I just wanted to clarify that I am a different Miss Fitt from this poster. Our names are very similar and I am also a newbie on the board so I think there is some confusion over this.
Do you think I should re-join the board with a different name?
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Education Double Standard
by Tech49 inthis is the kind of thing that really burns me.. .
wtbts holds out an extreme double standard in regards to education.
most, if not all, of you know how they feel about obtaining an education past high school (in the u.s.).
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Miss Fitt
Completely agree with this. It infuriates me.
My sister and her husband were subjected to the most vicious browbeating from an elder in their congregation when their son went to university. My mother (pillar of the congregation) was too embarrased to admit that her grandson was going on to further education. I told her in no uncertain terms that my nephew is an extremely intelligent young man and cannot be expected to clean windows for the rest of his life. I also told her that the organisation will be quick enough to use him once he's qualified.
I see it as a form of child abuse when children are held back from achieving their full potential acedemically. How many end up struggling to make ends meet when they could have had an easier and less stressful life in a well-paid job? Both my husband and I were born-in and during the 70s when we were leaving school, further education was so discouraged that it never even crossed our minds that we could go on and achieve additional qualifications. At that time teenagers were being pushed into leaving scholl before sitting their exams to they could pioneer (before the end came in 1975!!) so even staying in school long enough to take your exams was seen as a bit weak. My husband and I have had to work extremely hard to achieve a very modest lifestyle as we were under-qualified for the well paying jobs.
One other thing I said to my mum is that the elders who protest the most about further education are the ones whose kids are too stupid to get accepted to university. I think that made the point very well he he!